Something Went Wrong
by Reign of Rayne
Summary: They were supposed to be some of the most incredible warriors their universes had ever seen. So why, in a single simple picture session, did something go so horribly, horribly wrong?


_I think this is in the right category. Anyway, I should stop posting new stories, but I was watching One Piece (recently started it; no one spoil anything [though I know the whole Ace thing already]) and this popped into my head. I'll list the characters' respective Anime shows at the bottom._

* * *

They were supposed to be badasses. Not just any badasses, but _the_ Badasses.

Of course, something went wrong.

It had to.

* * *

"So we just . . . walk forward?"

"Yeah. Ichigo, you're on the far right," I said, struggling to keep a straight face while directing the group for one of the most badass shots of all time.

"My right or your right?"

"Mine. So your left."

"'Kay. Why am I in my Shinigami form again? And why do I have to be in shikai if I'm not even using either of my Zanpakutō's blades? And how can you or anyone else even _see_ me?"

"Don't ask questions. Zoro, as another sword user, you're right next to him."

"Why's your hair green?"

"You're hair's orange, idiot!"

"Tch. Better than green. And three swords? Are you overcompensating?"

"I could say the same thing with that glorified meat-cleaver on your back."

I felt a headache coming on, but after a few seconds of glaring, Ichigo and Zoro's scowls suddenly vanished in lieu of slight grins and they clasped hands, veins standing out under their skin.

"We should spar sometime," Ichigo said, a dangerous light in his eye.

"We should," Zoro agreed, a similar light lurking in his eyes.

I groaned, remembering that I only had an hour to get everything together before the entire fabric of space/time collapsed. I couldn't afford to watch these two bond over their mutual . . . well, whatever the hell they were bonding over.

"Guys!" I snapped. They glanced at me, expressions equally unimpressed. I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Just . . . just stand next to each other and try to look as intimidating as possible. Is that so hard?"

Ichigo and Zoro exchanged a glance, shrugged, and then assumed positions and expressions that nearly made me take a step back.

"O-okay," I stammered, "that's perfect. Just hold that thought for a few more minutes while I get everyone else in order, okay?"

They relaxed and nodded.

"Ace!" I shouted, turning around and realizing that said man was searching the room again. "I told you twenty times already that Luffy's not here! He's. Not. Here!"

The pirate grinned at me, adjusting the hat on his head with body language that indicated he really didn't care whether I was mad at him or not but was willing to indulge me.

"Sorry, miss," he said. "But I haven't seen Luffy in a while. Call me nostalgic, but once they took my bounty poster off the boards I didn't have a lotta time to talk to my little brother."

"You can do that later," I said, letting go of some of my frustration. It had been a stressful day. "Can you go stand next to Zoro? I know you two know each other."

"Yeah," Ace said, walking up to Zoro. "You were one of the few sane ones in that group." He put a hand on Zoro's shoulder. "I dunno if I ever got the chance to tell you, but thanks for taking care of my little bro when I couldn't anymore."

Zoro blinked, visibly caught off guard. "Y-yeah. No problem."

I opened my mouth to speak, but Ace cut me off, waving one hand. "I got it. Look badass, right? Shouldn't be hard."

"Just do the pose once so I can see if it fits," I said, fighting and failing to keep the sarcasm out of my voice as I continued. "Unless, of course, you're _that_ confident in your ability to be photogenic."

"My bounty poster picture was pretty good looking," Ace admitted, still grinning and completely ignoring my dry tone. I sighed.

"Fine, it was. Just do the thing, please."

He nodded and then his expression became far more serious. Small licks of flame danced across his skin, completing the look as he posed. I raised an eyebrow, impressed.

"Nice. That's fine for now."

"Why is he on fire?" Ichigo asked quietly, but his question went ignored as Ace turned back to Zoro.

"Sweet. Hey, Zoro, tell me about what Luffy's been up to since I've been gone."

"Sure."

I left them to their talking and moved on. "Natsu, Gildarts, can you come forward?"

The two men in question stepped up (though one was really a boy), and I found it hard to ignore the stifled laughter from both Ichigo and Zoro.

"His hair's pink," they both snickered.

"Eh?" Natsu said, turning to them.

"Never mind them," I said quickly, interposing myself between Natsu and the two buffoons behind me. At least Ace was being nice and responsible. "So, Natsu, Gildarts, you know what you're here for, right?"

"Actually," Gildarts said, his voice mild while he scratched at the back of his neck, "I was having a nice nap in the middle of an ancient wood when I was suddenly snatched by a strange black portal and put here with nothing but the words 'badass photo shoot' printed on a poster in front of me. He was there, too," Gildarts finished, jerking a thumb at Natsu. "So I don't really _want_ to know why I'm here, but I think I get the gist of it. I assume that first room was a kind of waiting room?"

"Yup. Pretty nice, isn't it?"

"It doesn't explain much."

"And there's not much to be explained! Just go up there with the others and try to look badass!"

"Do I get to fight anyone?" Natsu asked, grinning.

"Maybe later," I replied, knowing that an outright negative would be disastrous. Natsu pouted for a minute, but a light shove from Gildarts snapped him out of it.

"Hey, be happy, Natsu! We've got some time to catch up!"

Natsu smiled genuinely. "Yeah! You better tell me about all those monsters you beat up, Gildarts!"

"Sure, but let's get this over with first."

A minute later, I was satisfied with the two men from Fairy Tail. It was funny to see Ace's dumbstruck expression when Natsu's entire body suddenly combusted and the two were currently locked in debate over whether Dragon Slayer magic or the Devil Fruit powers were more powerful. I just hoped that Ace's experience with Luffy would help him deal with Natsu's . . . energetic personality.

Ichigo and Zoro were comparing their swords and judging from the gradually increasing emphatic gestures I would need to start hurrying up.

"I guess I'm up, then?"

A tall man swept past me, his blue clothing occupying all of my vision for a second before he passed.

"H-hey!" I protested. "Hak! You're supposed to wait your turn!"

Hak glanced back at me, his Hsu Quandao casually laid over one shoulder. "It _is_ my turn, isn't it?"

I floundered for words, feeling indignation welling up inside me at his blasé attitude. "Maybe it is, but I didn't announce it yet!"

"You were taking too long and I didn't feel like waiting," he responded flippantly, walking up to and then standing next to Gildarts. He posed for barely a second and then smirked at my irked expression. "Well? Good enough for you? Or should I do it again?"

I grit my teeth. "Sh-shut up! Naruto, Sakura! Please get over here, now!"

"Uh, miss?"

One of my helpers walked up to me, looking nervous.

"What?" I growled, my voice low and dangerous. I could feel that headache coming on again.

"Th-they're in the kitchens."

"Oh, you have _got _to be kidding me. I said the kitchens were off-limits until later! Can't they understand that I'm trying to bribe them into behaving well with food?"

"W-w-well, it seems that Naruto smelled the ramen—"

"That was for _me_, not them!" I snapped, about to turn around and march into the kitchen with the full intent of tearing Naruto apart (even though I would probably struggle to even bruise him) when a sudden crash interrupted me. A bang, suspicious crack, and then various other noises of destruction quickly followed.

"Don't tell me," I whispered, feeling the blood drain from my face.

On cue, the entire wall to the kitchens imploded, falling to pieces as Sakura withdrew her fist. Naruto was cowering beneath her, having only barely dodged the punch.

Seeing me, Sakura immediately became apologetic. "I am _so_ sorry! I didn't mean to punch the wall! Stupid Naruto here just dodged it! I'll pay for it!"

"No, it's fine," I demurred, tramping down on my headache and the rising fury in my core. It felt as though my right eye was pulsing with pain, but for the moment I could ignore it. Instead, I forced an icy calm tinged with exasperation.

"Are you sure?" Sakura walked over to me, dragging a protesting Naruto with her. "It's no trouble. I mean, after the trouble I just caused."

"It's fine. Just . . . go and pose."

Sakura winced in apology again in response to the resignation in my tone and quickly got Naruto to pose with her. Almost immediately after, she began arguing with Ichigo and Zoro, who had commented on her hair and begun comparing her to Natsu. Ace watched the whole thing with an amused expression, glancing every so often at Gildarts, who was in the middle of a deep discussion with Natsu with a subject that I did _not_ want to think about.

"Okay," I said, steeling myself and turning to another assistant. "Hey, you. How many more are there?"

The assistant consulted his clipboard. "Ah, just one. Um . . . it says, 'Akame'."

A wave of relief washed over me and I thanked whatever higher power was deciding to smile on me at the moment. Akame should be problem free, unlike some of the other idiots I'd had to work with in the previous few minutes.

"Great! Where is she?"

The aid faltered and I resisted the urge to slam my forehead into the nearest convenient wall.

Which just _happened_ to be the one that Sakura had destroyed, so it wasn't really convenient. Or a wall, really.

It took me ten minutes to find Akame; she had been in the kitchen, effortlessly blending into the shadows as she munched on some snacks (and from the smell permeating the kitchen, she had made them herself).

Luckily, it took me no time at all to point out what she had to do.

"All right!" I roared, managing to shut everyone up and get them to look at me. "Ichigo! Zoro! Ace! Natsu! Gildarts! Hak! Naruto! Sakura! Akame! You have all qualified as badasses in your respective universes! There are others out there, but the fabric of space/time could only support you people for now!"

"So why are we here?" Ichigo drawled, crossing his arms. "I have to meet up with my friends and I'm pretty sure there was a hollow on the loose when you pulled me out."

"It'll be fine," I stated blandly. "Now, all you have to do is just look as badass as possible, okay? We'll take a picture first, and then a short video of you all walking toward the camera with a dramatic sunset in the background."

"How're you gonna do that?" Natsu asked.

"There's no sunset here," Ace pointed out, looking around curiously.

"And what's this green sheet behind us?" Zoro added.

"And why's it on the floor, too?" Naruto finished.

I struggled to keep my expression even slightly cheerful. It was proving to be an increasingly difficult task. "It's a green screen. I'll explain it later. Everyone, pose!"

The photographer got to work as many convenient shadows abruptly materialized around the resident badasses, making them look ten times as intimidating. The room practically boiled with killing intent (and it almost _was_ boiling with the amount of heat that Natsu and Ace were putting off).

After half a minute, the photographer stood up. "Done," he said, and I gave the signal for everyone to relax.

"So now the video?" Gildarts asked, raising one eyebrow. "That's just a moving picture." The, 'what's the point?' was implied, but I ignored it.

"Yeah," I replied. "Just give them a minute to set up the camera."

When my helpers were done and the tech guys were ready, I signaled that it was time to begin. "Everybody! All you have to do is take ten steps forward looking as badass and intimidating as possible! That's it. Nothing else, okay? Please," I muttered under my breath, "nothing else."

After checking that they were ready, I grinned, relieved that everything was almost done. "Go!"

I had no idea things could go so wrong so quickly.

It began with Ace brushing against Zoro and unintentionally burning the swordsman. Naturally, Zoro scowled at Ace and shifted just enough for his one remaining sheathed sword to accidentally bump into Ichigo, who naturally tripped Zoro in retaliation.

On the other end of the line, while Zoro ate dirt, Hak made a face at Naruto and made the blond-haired boy dissolve into laughter. Sakura hit Naruto to make him get serious again while Akame scooted two steps to the side to avoid getting caught up in the trouble that was brewing far more quickly than any storm. Gildarts looked at both rising conflicts helplessly while Zoro and Ichigo began spitting insults.

Natsu said something to Ace, making the pirate grin and reply in kind. The two began emitting even more heat until even Gildarts began sweating. I felt a bead of sweat slide down my back, and right as I moved to wipe my forehead Natsu made to punch Ace, who dodged. Natsu's flame-covered fist crashed into Zoro, who fell into Ichigo, who just managed to keep his balance. Ichigo and Zoro both glared at Ace, who helplessly pointed at Natsu.

Gildarts backed away as Natsu, Ace, Zoro, and Ichigo descended into an all-out brawl.

Meanwhile, Hak smirked at Sakura, commenting on how fiery her temper was and how it suited the other pink-haired person that was currently present more. He dodged the retaliatory punch by a centimeter.

Naruto moved to defend his irate friend but Hak only brushed past him, aggravating Naruto further.

All it took was a stray attack from the brawling quartet a meter away and the remaining three joined the fight as well while Gildarts and Akame made their escape. A hand shot out of the tangle of limbs, however, and caught Gildarts before he could get too far. Natsu beamed Gildarts a grin before yanking him into the fray.

"Oh no," I whispered. They were the only words my brain could come up with. "Oh no. Oh no. Oh. No."

My dreams crumbled around me in tandem with the building.

As the nine people—eight, really, because Akame seemed to be the only sane one out of all of them—finally calmed down, they became aware of the destruction they had wrought. Nothing of the building remained and most of the equipment had been destroyed. Only the photographer's camera remained, and even now it was dangling precariously on a piece of uprooted floor. As I watched, it fell and shattered against the floor, scattering my hopes across the ground in pieces.

"Th—they never even took four steps," I whispered emptily, falling to my knees as a 'Badass Photo Shoot" poster, borne aloft by the fighting, came to a rest at my knees.

Without even hesitating, I picked it up and tore it in two before throwing the scraps over my shoulder and vowing never to speak of the incident ever again even as space/time began to distort around me.

Some things just weren't meant to be.

* * *

They were supposed to be badasses. Not just any badasses, but _the_ Badasses.

Of course, something went wrong.

As it always did.

* * *

_A/N I have no idea who the 'director' really is (though I feel bad for him/her either way). I know that there are other badasses out there, but these are just the ones off the top of my head. Anyway, the characters:_

_Ichigo: Bleach_

_Zoro, Ace: One Piece_

_Natsu, Gildarts: Fairy Tail_

_Hak: Yona of the Dawn_

_Naruto, Sakura: Naruto_

_Akame: Akame ga Kill_

_I just thought this was a fun little idea, and it's really my first shot at humor of this kind._

_-RoR_

**_Please review._**


End file.
